I'm in a tailspin

It's been a while since I have blogged. My life has been in a tailspin since I found out I was pregnant and now I've found out something may be wrong with the baby and that we should prepare ourselves for fetal demise. I had already given him a name....Brody-Grey, where do you go from there? I feel like I've done everything I was supposed to do..... ya know? I eat right for the most part, I workout, I don't drink or smoke. The only thing I have to our disadvantage are our ages. My husband and I age of advanced parental age ,but that shouldn't matter too much right? There are tons of people that have children later in life.

I keep praying that they are wrong, I keep praying that God gives me this....this one simple request....one more healthy child. My poor husband thinks it's his fault because he has been constantly worried that something would be wrong and now it very well may be. Then I'm thinking " I knew I was pushing my luck" we have 4 healthy children we should have left well enough alone.

Monday we see a perinatal specialist to have a Chorionic Villus Sampling done to tell us definitively if something is wrong with little Brody-Grey. It takes two weeks for the results to come back. What am I supposed to do for those two weeks? I hate this, I'm not even enjoying my pregnancy anymore and I am starting to feel flutters.