Getting better

I am beginning to feel a little more like myself. I feel a little lighter, like the gloom is lifting. I managed to actually feel genuine happiness from time to time today. But then I see other people with their babies or toddlers and I am green with envy. At that very moment I am overcome with absolute certainty that I am going to try again in December. Then a little sad as I wonder is that the right thing to do. 

I mean, just because I want another baby with every fiber of my being does not mean I should try again. I keep praying, asking God for guidance, a sign of his approval or not and I hear nothing. I don't feel his presence and I don't know what to do. All I know is I want more than anything to try to get pregnant in December and January, so I guess I'll just keep praying. Until then, I continue to work on healing and leaning into God and my husband to get us both through this difficult time. I am working out and cleaning my diet back up in an effort to get my body conception ready. I even continue to take my prenatal vitamins. Now......I just wait on God <3