Family Matters

I have a dilemma, my grandfather is dying and I need to go home to Philly. Now he and I have not been close in over 25 years. Our family dynamic is very strained with several members and I have some hurt feelings that I am dealing with. So should I go home for his looming death and funeral is what I am wondering? I wish I had the kind of family that was close and genuinely cared for one another but I don't or at least that is the way I perceive them. I think if I don't go home that would look bad on my part. I mean no matter what he is still my Grandfather...right? So I am planning to go when my daughter gets out of school next week. The problem is, his doctors don't know how long he has.. It could be days or weeks. So if I go and it takes him weeks to die am Iexpected to stay up there that long? I fully intend on putting my hurt feelings aside, putting a smile on my face and pretending nothing is wrong. But my feelings are so hurt ,I am afraid if asked I may blurt out what is eating me up. I don't want to turn his funeral into a circus or turn the focus on me. I want to be involved and enjoy that time with my family as much as possible, so how do you tuck away the hurt for an extended period of time spent with people that refuse to acknowledge your feelings or are too self centered to care?

Being a recovering alcoholic the last thing I need is to be put into a situation that pushes me toward the drink. I don't want to be surrounded by negative energy and I most certainly don't want to be the source of that energy. So I am curious, how do you go into such a delicate situation guarded but not cold? How do you not let things get to you to the point of blowing up at someone? How do you pretend nothing is wrong to preserve the integrity of the visit?