Being pushed

So I signed up for a Beachbody Physique competition a month or so ago because it is something I have always wanted to do. I was informed a day later that all of the spots were filled at the moment and I would be placed on the waiting list....as number 307 :o... Needless to say I didn't expect to get off of the waiting list. So I didn't do anything extra special to prepare in the event that I would make it off of this list. In fact, I continued to go about my journey quite short of as planned. I was giving in to temptation on somewhat of a regular basis and not making much progress. Then 2 days ago I was informed that a spot had opened up and I could complete my registration. :O

OH MY GOD, I was not going to go through with it. But for some reason I posted on my Facebook page about it and let a few of my fellow coaches know. Now I am not 100% sure why I did this, I think it may have been for permission to not go through with it or encouragement to do it. I ended up getting so much love and support that I decided to go through with it. So... I registered. I am having so many second thoughts about this. I am worried that I will fail miserably.  I only have 36 days to prepare for something that should take 90 days at best and I still have 24.4lbs to lose. This means there is absolutely no room for error. I will have to stick to my eating plan 100% which is quite strict :O Can you imagine me not having cheat meals or treats for 36 consecutive days?.... I can't. I am going to have to pray and meditate for guidance on this one daily, maybe several times a day.

I will have to workout hard and push myself even harder. I will have to make sure I am stretching regularly and properly which I am usually quite lax about. I will have to make sure I am going to bed early to get enough rest. I need to make sure I am not allowing myself to get to hungry and eating at the proper time intervals. Dear God, just listing this stuff out is giving me anxiety. Not only am I worried that I will fail, I am worried about doing it publicly. I have announced this on all of my social media outlets for all the world to see...NOW WHAT?!?! What if I give in to temptation, what if I quit, what if I work really hard and don't get anywhere near ready to walk across a stage in a bikini to be judged? UGH!!!!

On the other side of that "What if " coin; What if I succeed? What if I surpass my expectations and reach a level of fitness and self worth that I never thought possible for myself? What if I unearth a bigger passion or dream for my life? OR...WHAT IF I WIN?  Like a fellow coach said to me yesterday "you will never know what you can do until your pushed". I'll never know if I don't try.


So here goes!!!!